starting the mission

It's been a long trip; looking for team mates, praying about my calling. Yet it is just beginning.

I've found that missions start long before you get in the car or board an airplane. I don't even know exactly when it starts. It's a ongoing goal. It's like the song, "tell the world". It's not just about telling the "World", but telling EVERYONE. And don't miss the minor details; it includes your friends, siblings, parents.

Someone once said that in a theoretical instance to a non-Christian, "If I don't see you in heaven I will be heart broken". Heart Broken. What does that mean? What does that feel like? Is it like heart burn? Or how about a shot in your shoulder? Is it that feeling you get when Bambi dies or when nemo's daddy can't find him? Or maybe it's closer to unrequited Love.

Well maybe this will put it in better perspective:
I imagine it as the worst pain I have ever felt. It's not a pain that can easily go away with Tylenol. It's the feeling you get when you're torn, frustrated, devastated, wanting to scream your insides out. Have you felt this? Have you ever felt like your heart was literally ripping? Tears are like rain in a thunder storm? I don't know if you have ever felt this, but I have.

I feel this every time I talk to my friend's about Jesus and they blow me off. I feel this everytime I think about God calling me to socal for school. I feel this when my mom gets mad at me and says things she doesn't always apologize for; but we all have pride and we all make mistakes.

Heart Broken. I am heart broken for the millions of people in the 10/40 window who may never even hear the name of Jesus Christ. When I think about how Satan's grabbed a hold on America's Youth, I am heart broken. Seeing my friend's make mistakes that will effect the rest of their life, that they will find incredible pain in remembering, I am heart broken.